yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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