Yo dont text me then not text me
My balls are so social today.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
