pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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