It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
