I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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