dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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