that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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