So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
