Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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