oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
