That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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