this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Can I color on your dick again?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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