I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
