what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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