im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
