Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Randomize
