I got chris browned last night
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
