I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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