so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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