so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
