They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
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