After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
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We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
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I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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