he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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