you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
