It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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