do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
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I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
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for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I need to sanitize my soul.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
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