counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
