I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
