ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
