She is in my trunk
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
