I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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