if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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