My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize