Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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