3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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