I wish my penis had an off switch
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
