Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
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