so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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