i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
