he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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