If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
