I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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