Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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