i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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