my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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