I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize