You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
