i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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