I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
