oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
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