So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Drunk is not a location!
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
