I think I won the penis lottery.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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