3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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