I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
