R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
