i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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