i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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