the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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