he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
