party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
