Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
