i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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