So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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