If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
as a side note pls kill me
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