We're like a lot better than the average bears
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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