Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
