Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
