honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
