Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
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I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
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I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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