Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
