three words: i give head
three words: not that well
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
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the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
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YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
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