So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
