I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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