So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
