Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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