I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
