I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
