i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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