I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
