i don't like sucking hair
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
